If I Were a Very Very Dumb Conservative…

I’m going to challenge myself in this post to look at my favorite issues, climate change and energy policy through the eyes of a conservative. This may get offensive.

I don’t trust nothing those there scientists are saying. How can they’s be predictin’ the CLIMATE in 50 years when we don’t even know the weather for tomorruh. If you ask me, they been paid off to say these things by greedy clean energy companies and communists.

Coal is Americuh’s power and as long as we keep drillin’ off our coasts and finding new supplies we’ll be able to stop dealing with that terrorist oil. There’s no way some shiny solar panels are going to be able to power our country. The sun don’t shine half the time! If we want to keep the lights on, we’ve got to support American energy.

Plus if coal companies started following regulations already in place and then ALSO started decreasing their CO2 outputs, well that might decrease profits slightly. And these companies have no responsibility to the environment, they answer to shareholder and investors! And who would pay me under the table then?!?!?!?

In summation, I do declare that the best kind of money is the kind that comes from destroying our planet. YEE HAW!

File this under the laughs category, because no one actually thinks like this. I like to think conservatives are reasonable people that are open to discussion about these issues. But the extreme politics of today have made this hyperbole of a voice above into the loudest voice. Que la future sea mejor.

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